Boys will be Boys

by HUB Newsfeed

Not so long ago, I read about the child sex abuse scandal at Penn State, and the ensuing firing and arrests of men heralded as leaders of a community for decades, and a flurry of news articles like this one at Huffpost about the ongoing ‘Crisis of Masculinity’.  Poor dudes.

To be honest, I never thought too much about  bloke stuff before, not since that day walking home from school, I found my 15 year old baby brother squared off against a bunch of other boys, all reeking that feral pubescent testosterone gymclass odour after footy training.

Strong enough to peel your nail-polish and melt your mascara.  Really. A lot of ballet position postures and gestures, but with snarling, drooling, and bared frothy canines between the bum-fluff.  When I asked what was going on, my brother told me to bugger off, as it was “guy stuff”, and not to tell mum if I knew what was good for me.

So of course, being a girl with no idea whats good for me, (other than shoes and cosmetics) I told mum.  Who shrugged, sighed heavily, and muttered something about  “boys will be boys”, and that she’d better tell dad.   My bro came home from hospital later that night – he’d had the crap beaten out of him.

But, as I found out later after another mother-daughter sesh – this apparently meant that he and those other boys were now ‘mates’.  They had ‘bonded’.  He was now a member of the pack.  Passed the initiation test or whatever.  In the end, its just a “guy thing” she said – none of us girls’ business really. So being a girl who occasionally listened to her mother (especially when she could get a discount at the department store perfume counter) I just accepted this fact of life about boys.

And watched them bonding on footy ovals, or buried up to their hairy stinky armpits in car guts, or fish guts, or the sandpits on golf courses.  Not always in blood and bone, some dudes prefer to beat the crap out of each other more pretend-like, bonding over “things” instead, like cars, bikes, noise-makers, or credit cards, or 2 metre high audiovisual equipment, or great golf swings, all without the hassle of a trip to the local emergency department.  Guys are cool when they can beat other guys at doing manly things, such as having the willpower to eat obscenely enormous amounts of oysters or chilli.  But I must have missed something, (maybe its like maths or maps, another thing us girls supposedly just can’t get the hang of?).   Because, you see – I thought all this guy stuff was just between guys, you know?  and like my baby bro said, us girls should just bugger off and leave them to it.

But I “get it” now.  Women are also just like cars, or AV systems to men –  guys also need us girls to be “things” for them to bond over, to help doods stop beating each other up, so they can all be ‘mates’ and ‘brothers’ again.

But only “bad girls” – I *think* – like all that maths stuff at school where I always got mixed up between those triangles with a straight edge on the left (or was it right?), and the other triangles that flopped over a bit. Obtuse rings a bell, sorta. Anyway, just like those stupid bloody triangles, I also get terribly mixed up between the “bad” and the “good” girls thingy –

Must be a ‘dood thing’ too – how do d00ds figure it out?

Is it like “bad” girls get gang-banged and “good” girls get gang-raped? Or vice-versa? Is it like fords and mazdas? Tooheys and VB? Jack Daniels and Johnny Walker? or is it more like the difference between Tahitian Sunset and Cherry Delight hair colouring? Now *that* is something I can tell apart from 50 metres – and from 10 metres, I can even pick the brand.


While comradeship and team spirit are valuable tools when in competition or conflict, they can become pathological and retardative, as evidenced by gang rape allegations against (football teams) and revelations about the misuse of women as a perverse quasi-bonding exercise……
(can’t these blokes sit by a campfire singing folk songs or form book clubs or something?)–
Darlene Taylor – Ambit Gambit (2004)


I’m with Darlene on this one, but along with singing Kumbaya at the campfire, maybe guys need some girl help on this bonding thing?

They could try some of our Girl-Bonding stuff ? – like bikini-line waxing, and nip-and-tuck surgery for the flabby genitals – but boy-style – I know some terrific guys with their own salon – Anton and Frankie – down at Bondi Junction, who’d be just thrilled to bits, to lend their professional services to football clubs (maybe I could help work bulk club or season discounts for a small commission?)


What is this crisis of masculinity we keep hearing about? (Some) tell us that it’s single-parent families and boys being raised without dads, (some) say that it’s lesbians having sons and the Catholic Church says that it’s a lack of male role models in the classroom.

No, the real crisis in masculinity is the macho male culture of violence and rape … Brian Greig, WA Senator(DEM) Insiders program – 4/4/04


I’m with Brian on this one too – I *think* – But.. most of what I read is feeling sorry for the poor dudes, they just can’t *feel* emotions appropriately, and of course, obviously, its all mum’s fault.  I know some other women think  the downside of  this ‘male culture of violence and rape’ is because we girls aren’t empowered enough, and need to deal with it through embracing our sexuality (ie ‘putting out’) often enough, well …. obviously more often — and often enough to keep the boys happily docile, as in Yes, Means Yes  - this means, if us gurls just said Yes more often (and more enthusiastically – and really, really *mean it*)… all that terrible ‘guy stuff’ would go out the window…

Me? I’m not so sure about that …. I think the boys really (really) need some sound fashion advice, (and to learn about shopping). For example –  I don’t “get it” about the little catholic boys having no male role model thing. The Pope is a boy isn’t he? Along with all his mates? .. there’s *some* girly-girl in there to form a basis to build on, coz after all, he does wear a dress – but *honey* – frills and lace on hems went out with the flappers. Take my advice sweets  – check out the islamic d00ds for dress-sense, you won’t see any lace on *their* hems! Nice ring though, great taste in jewellery and accessories is always a plus.   And that Buddha dude – didn’t he wear a really cool low hip-slung wrap-around sarong? Shame about the wobbly beer-gut and boyboobies, but at least he knew how to use colour for a stunning fashion effect for those statues. Then those really cool Jewish dreadlock things, are a fantastic hair fashion complement to the traditional all-black dress.

But guys? you really need to lose those flat sensible grandma heels – I’m sure the top-line menswear stores would carry some great lines in stillettos, if you could just get over your “guy thing” and just *ask*. But one last piece of womanly wisdom – you do need to make sure that they match common accessories like wallets, ties, football clubshirts, (and stubby holders) or those roobars on the utes (pickup trucks).

see you at the mall!
Love & Kisses
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Updated from previously published version in FemSpeak E-Zine, as ‘Football, Meat Pies, Kangaroos & Holden Cars..’
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Herstorical Note: This post was posted here, at the Radfem HUB, on January 9, 2012 and was authored by HUB author Rainsinger. On May 28, 2012, Rainsinger left the HUB and indicated that she wished to have this post removed from the HUB, and no longer desired to have her name associated with the HUB. Instead of allowing content to be deleted from the HUB which would be deleterious to our herstory, it was proposed by the remaining HUB bloggers, and agreed to by Rainsinger, that, as a compromise, the substance of the post would be left intact and authorship would be changed to the generic HUB user, “HUB Newsfeed”. However, the HUB now regrets making this compromise, and believes that changing the authorship of the post was also deleterious of our herstory. The post should have remained intact, in every respect. We regret this error in judgement, as well as the fact that this change is permanent and cannot be altered. – Eds. 6/15/12

Tags:

12 Comments to “Boys will be Boys”

  1. I believe this is the part where some lib/funfem chimes in with “b-b-b-but, patriarchy hurts men too!” (insert sad emoticon here). Yes, and it’s our job to offer a nipple for the poor boys to suckle, to soothe and nourish their self-esteem and precious male-ego…..since, you know, we’re just wet-nurses, handmaids, and other appliances ready to be (ab)used whenever the bros have some kind of “crisis”.

  2. “But I “get it” now. Women are also just like cars, or AV systems to men – guys also need us girls to be “things” for them to bond over, to help doods stop beating each other up, so they can all be ‘mates’ and ‘brothers’ again”

    Just finished Dworkin’s Pornography. This is how she puts it: “A man must function as the human center of a chattel-oriented sensibility, surrounded by objects to be used so he can experience his own power and presence.”

    Since I read that line, I’ve been trying to put myself in that man’s shoes…imagine what it would be like to look out at the world and only see things at my disposal that are there for me to manipulate to bolster my own image/confidence. I can’t even fully get into the exercise, I get too scared about what it means. What the hell kind of existence is that? How can that even be considered adulthood???

  3. Yeah, Mocha…

    yeah Amynomene–and thanks for the Dworkin quote, so true. As for your imaginative exercise of putting self in a man’s shoes–“What the hell kind of exisitence is that?”, hellyeah.

    Another interesting exercise is to begin to remove oneself from availability to men in all the ways you’ve both named. Talk about scary! In a good way, once getting used to the disorientation and upswell of shame and loss which arises as “well then who the hell am I anyway, and what is my purpose, what will I *do* in this life, if none of that?!”– if not offering the nipple, the listening ears, the sympathy/praise/whatever-required-emotional-response, the sexed-up body (visually) and the PIV-ready body (physically)…..

    Ah, the possibilities….beginning with a lot more time to think about it all, all that ‘what will I do/think about/feel’–without all the distraction, all the time and self-wasting that goes into offering that automatic nipple, listening ear, etc-and-nauseating so forth!

  4. Wow… two amazing new posts to read and agree loudly with. Yes. I was ‘in public’ the other night and some d00d kept hitting on me (which is basically any time a d00d interacts with me, since I am not human to them but merely another potential fuck-toilet). I finally said, slowly and deliberately: “I am a radical feminist.” He looked like he was slapped; skulked away. Then, he kept asking me, “You’re really a radical feminist??” He just kept asking, over and over… 0_o

    I think he wanted to argue about it, but I didn’t have the time, inclination to argue/’educate’ yet another boooring d00d. Plus, I was pretty hammered… trying to forget how doomed my existence within the patriarchy is… I told him “Google that shit, d00d.” As if he will. Ignorance, for d00ds, truly is bliss…

  5. LOL Doctress Julia!
    “I’m a radical feminist. Google that shit d00d”
    PMSL
    That goes in my file of things I want to do.

  6. “Plus, I was pretty hammered… trying to forget how doomed my existence within the patriarchy is…”

    Haha! I can relate!

  7. You’re my hero of the day Doctress Julia!
    I just realised I’ve never said that to any dude before – next time I want to scare one off I’ll do that LOL

  8. yes thanks for that DJ. i love, love, love that image. :)

  9. Me? I’m not so sure about that …. I think the boys really (really) need some sound fashion advice, (and to learn about shopping). For example – I don’t “get it” about the little catholic boys having no male role model thing. The Pope is a boy isn’t he? Along with all his mates? .. there’s *some* girly-girl in there to form a basis to build on, coz after all, he does wear a dress – but *honey* – frills and lace on hems went out with the flappers.

    Whoot! I’d love to see that! I see this shit from when it starts in the playground at 3 to 4 years old. All the posturing and bullying. Seriously men totally need to get their femme on. This is definitely the way we should resolve the "crisis in masculinity".

  10. Crisis of masculinity? Patriarchy is reaching its logical conclusion. It is imploding. As for the boys getting their femme on, they already are. It’s called transgenderism. As Mary Daly pointed out, masculinity and femininity are two faces of the same male god. Masculinity is fashioned after the Apollo model and femininity is fashioned after the Dionysus model. Neither has anything to do with being female. Both seek to eliminate females – Apollo via war and violence, Dionysus via assimilation. If women are to survive, both need to go.

  11. If I hear boys will be boys one more time I am going to vomit. That was the excuse my mother gave every time she had to go and get my brothers out of jail or out of trouble. It’s her excuse when my brother hit me. ….

    I get so annoyed when men supposedly loose their masculinity it’s because he is caving in to a women’s demands.

    I have trouble with this binary idea of what is female and what is male — And if you like one particular thing in the female position or the male position you must be attracted to the “wrong” position –

  12. Mocha Erinys
    January 9, 2012 at 10:54 am
    I believe this is the part where some lib/funfem chimes in with “b-b-b-but, patriarchy hurts men too!” (insert sad emoticon here). Yes, and it’s our job to offer a nipple for the poor boys to suckle, to soothe and nourish their self-esteem and precious male-ego…..since, you know, we’re just wet-nurses, handmaids, and other appliances ready to be (ab)used whenever the bros have some kind of “crisis”.

    Boo hoo! Poor men! Tell those bitches, that’s the point of patriarchy. that’s the point of bigotry. It hurts one bunch of people and not the other.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 410 other followers

%d bloggers like this: